so long sweet summer

what the hell is this???

next week school starts. and i still feel like im waiting for summer to start!!

i feel angry. i dont know why. i just feel like i havnt made the most of this summer. i havnt done anything. it doesnt feel like it should be almost over. it just hit me. WHAM! school starts next week! klmasldkf ml;a. i just cant believe it. i really cant. i want my summer back. i want to rewind it and start over. choose an alternate ending that leaves me so much happier.

nothing has happened. i didnt take in all of the things i love most about it. the heat didnt happen. i didnt lay in the grass. i didnt search for lemonade stands. i didnt swim. i didnt just sit and do nothing and breath. i love summer air and the feeling and greatness of it. but i didnt take it in. i feel like i missed something. everything. it always means so much to me. its my favorite season. the time for opportunity and a new beginning. but no. i just let it go. and i feel so angry about it. and what sucks is i just cant take it back. it isnt possible.

i wish i had a magic remote like in click.

rewind with me and live

i love you.

ashleyy

friday night freakout

...well thursday but whatever

i had registration today. i love registration day. you see your friends and find out your classes. and i went school supply and clothes shopping. it was so fun. i all around feel more prepared for junior year. but im FREAKING OUT.

ive compared schedules with all my friends and i dont have any classes with any of them. jon and kelsey both have different classes and lunches than me. im afraid i wont see them at all. i dont know what ill do. im so scared that ill be all alone next year. i was planning on having them around to help me through the day. not to mention spanish (yikes). my mom said its an opportunity to make new friends which i guess is true but i dont need new friends. i dont really want them either. im comfortable in my circle of friends and i like where i stand. but i guess a new person is alright. i just hope i have someone to talk to and exchange looks with during those dull classes.

my class schedule is kind of a handful too. ive got some tough classes. thank God for kilmer. heres my schedule...

this is gonna suck
1st semester:
1-integrated chem/physics- walker
2- spanish 3-ragon
3- us history- fraze, a
4-study hall- mudrack
5-english 11/h- schaefer
6-precalc/trig- vanderlaan
7-drawing- kilmer
lunch: c normal. b block day

2nd semester:
1-advanced fashion- mulligan
2-english 11/h- schaefer
3-study hall- bowie
4-spanish 3- ragon
5-us history- snyder
6-icp- chapman
7-precalc/trig- vanderlaan

oh and did i mention lunch? scary stuff. ahhhh. wish me luck.

i love you

pass me a note?


ashleyy

frightened of the future

i was thinking today about how in a few short weeks school is starting. and then i thought "wow. i only have two years left of highschool, i still have no idea what im doing with my life."

ever since freshman year, we've been expected to look to our future. sign up for certain classes that give us a taste of a profession and prepare us. but after two years of highschool i feel even less prepared. i just feel overwhelmed. i have no idea what i want to be or who i want to be when i get out of highschool. i know i want to go to college but unlike most people, i dont even have an idea of any college to go to. im not even sure what interests me. i know art makes me happy and fashion gets my mind moving and excited and i really like to write. but there arent really any reachable jobs with that. when i think of fashion and writing and art i think big citys: new york, london, paris, chicago. not fort lame, indiana. i just dont see myself getting anywhere from here. i need a taste of something new. i need something to give me a spark of inspiration. i always thought something would hit me and i would just know. i thought it would be fate. but i havnt seen a road sign pointing me in the direction i need to go yet. i guess ill just have to get through highschool and hopefully come across one.

i want to go on a roadtrip.

come with me?

i love you

ashleyy

urban word of the day:
Writer's crap
Derived from 'writer's cramp', writer's crap reffers to a stage when one is only capeable of writing utter crap.