those damn believers in a better tomorrow

so when i recieved my latest issue of AP magazine along with the bill my mom decided that before she was going to pay one cent she had to read my magazine to see if its "acceptable for little girls to read". hah. joy. so today i reminded her that she still hasnt read it and paid the bill so i run and fetch it for her without thinking there would be a problem. so i come back a while later to find her and my dad looking at it weirdly and discussing in sharp tones about society going down the toilet. oh dear god.

i really dont understand what their deal is. yeah there are a few scetchy things and hardcore scary stuff that could make parents a little worried but its no big deal because thats not the stuff i like. i like to find new favorite bands to add to my long list and figure out the next chance i can get to see them live. but my parents seem to see it as corruption.

while music does have a large influence on a person it doesnt exactly change who they are. if i listen to thrash metal i wont turn into some emo kid. if i listen to rap i wont turn african american. if i listen to country i wont turn into a cowgirl. you catch my drift. it might change how creative i am or how deep i look into things. but those are good things. when i listen to some of my music i feel inspired and ready to change the world. i dont understand how that is a bad thing.

how do they have any room to talk? what about all the music that they listened to as teenagers? its not exactly clean cut. some of my dads stuff is just plain scary. i dont even know about my mom. when she opened my magazine she just said "these dont look very christian." just let me ask you. WHO CARES? just because i listen to non christian bands doesnt mean im going to convert to some satanic religion. when i pointed this out my dad just went into a rant (he likes those and does it frequently) about how i "shouldnt be listening to all this alternative shit and getting these bad ideas in my head from it". REDICULOUS TO SAY THE LEAST.

yeah when my sister started listening to rap they didnt blink an eye. she got into the hardcore screamo stuff. brushed it off. a heavier more degrading rap? eh its just a phase. but when i listen to stuff that talks about how we should work to change the world and find love and not give in to society they flip out. why is this? oh i know.

theyve never really liked me.

do other people have parents as thickheaded as mine? i doubt it. share stories? do tell. do tell.

will you like me even though they dont?

i hope so.

i love you

ashleyy

well make this short and sweet

its late

i havnt posted in a while. sorry.

i really havnt been able to think of anything to say lately. i dunno why.

my minds kinda fully jumbled.

hey! fits my blog title!

i think its because i might be maybe possibly...

falling for someone really hard?

ugh here we go

do you love me?

i love you

ashleyy

ahh the life of a woman

we are expected to be perfect. we are ambitious. we have the strength of ten men. we manage to keep ourselves in one piece. we have hectic lives. we have broken hearts. we are heart breakers. we have damaged friendships. we have the highest standards. we have drama. we stay stylish. we work two jobs. we have kids. we fall in love. we are desperate housewives. we have school all day. we learn to balance it all. we are artists. we are dancers. we are thinkers. we are masterminds. we fight for our voice. we stand up for ourselves. we are feminists. we get our hands dirty. we still manage to keep perfect manicures. we are fashion designers. we stress. we get gray hairs. we go through that terrible week once a month. we are role models. we are actresses. we are scientists. we help the homeless. we wipe runny noses. we cure the pain. we solve problems. we do all this. and we still manage to look drop dead gorgeous.

how do we do it? well noone really knows. maybe we dont do it all. we arent all confident and unbreakable. we may be breaking to pieces inside. but we arent going to show the world. we have to stay perfect. we cant let those boys see how weak we really are now can we? so keep that ambition. keep those standards high. dont let yourself fall. do something for yourself. take a bath. go to a spa. read a book. whatever. just keep yourself together. do it for the female standard.

geesh. this is that monthly week.

i start thinking weirdly.

i dont think im even making sense. not sure.

blahh.

will you still love me when im getting annoyed at you for something stupid?

i hope so.

i love you deep down.

at least after this week

ashleyy