woah wow holy shoot bam

aaall weekend i spent going from party to party. why there were so many? who flippin knows. but its was a blast.

on friday i threw a going away party for brittany and jackie. (in the picture on the bottom second from the left and far right. im in the middle of them.) it was a breakfast at tiffany's theme. it was sooo fun. everyone dressed up for it in old timey clothes and we had fake margaritas and cigarette holders. it was all very glamourous and everyone got a chance to write their goodbyes to brittany and jackie in a book and all that jazz. it wasnt all sappy and emotional but i did get a little teared up when jackie and i were talking about how much we would miss each other. theyre leaving today and since we dont have any school, i dont think im going to get to say goodbye. its really really sad. it seems like i always lose my friends this way. but im determined to stay in touch.

on saturday i went to katie's birthday party which was pretty fun. she had a cupcake bar with cupcakes in icecream cones. they were weird and hard to eat but delish. haha kelsey and i ended up getting in an icing fight which was exciting and i had icing in my hair for the rest of the night.

on sunday i went to lauren's birthday party. it was poker themed but noone knew how to play poker. haha. we ended up attempting to play random card games but kept getting distracted. then we watched 21 with mr. delicious from accross the universe. yumm.

it was an extremely hectic and stressful week for me. i had sooo much to do. with all the party planning and projects that these stupid teachers keep loading on me. its rediculous. but i pretty much got everything done and now this week seems pretty stress free so far. thank god. i need a break. thats for sure.

well im going to play in the snow!!

i love you!

ashleyy

damn

i still havnt called

im so sorry

i love you

even if i dont show it

ashleyy

i hate it

I hate it how

• stress is taking over my life
• i never have time for me anymore
• i cant seem to find the time to give my best friends a call
• even when im doing something for someone else, it goes unappreciated
• im doing everything i can but its not good enough
• my parents are making me see a shrink
• my best friends are moving away
• i have 5 homework projects at once
• my heart sucker broke
• my plans just arent good enough
• im always there for them but they cant seem to do the same for me
• my parents dont know me at all
• im devoting all my time to this when i know itll go to waste
• they cant agree with me for just this once
• theyll probably completely forget about me

I love it how

• after all i havnt done and have forgotten, theyre still my best friends
• kelsey is just so damn amazing
• jon still likes me
• my necklace is fun to play with
• v-day is comin up
• the sun is out
• im throwing the going away bash
• even after they leave, kelsey will be by my side

supposed love

i just dont understand why its so hard

parents are supposed to love you over everyone

thats the most important responsibility they have

yet some just cant do it

i swear to god i will love any future child of mine

ashleyy

whats happenin hot stuff?

"Computers are ignorance in a box"

~ Maggie Knors

goodness i miss that girl. i havnt seen or talked to her in so long. but i still remember most of the things she said to me. and her bubbly, sparkling, always optimistic personality. she really had an impact on me and she probably doesnt even know it. i wish i knew how to get a hold of her so i could let her know.

but yes my computer is stupid.

i dunno what the deal is but every time i turn it on it gets stuck on a black screen with a white blinking dash. sooo i snuck downstairs onto my sisters computer and im majorly hoping she doesnt come home sometime soon. shell be royally pissed.

well its officially 2009!

to me it honestly doesnt feel any different. its just another day passing by. but im going to try to make my days count. make them different and life impacting. i dont want to fall into a boring endless cycle. i have a feeling thatll happen once school starts back up. tuesday, ugh. itll just be school every day then tennis on monday, lazy tuesday, church wednesday, church band practice thursday, friends friday and saturday or just lazy, then church sunday. the same thing over and over again. i want excitement. i want something new and life changing. something that makes me think. something that challenges me to make a difference or impact someones life.

i doubt thatll happen though, it rarely does.

i really really really miss my friends. i havnt spent time with them in so long. i realized today that i dont have a best friend. i dont even really have a super close friend. it used to be brittany and jackie but i havnt hung out with them or even really talked with them in at least two weeks. i have been spending a lot of time with kelsey and jennifer lately though. kelsey is really easy to talk to and im not afraid of being judged by her. i think our friendship has definite potential.

katie and i hung out today with, gulp, caylin. caylin is well, frankly a bitch and extremely fake. i just cant figure out if she likes me or not. she acts one way one day and another way the next. and she tells certain people she likes me and others she doesnt. i found out some stuff about her that makes her like that but still, everyone has SOME control over the way they act. at least i know shes trying to fix it though.

i miss janna and alex and annick more than anything. i would walk miles just to see them. i really want to visit more than anything. it just isnt fair that i was ripped away from the only friends who have always had my back, who are there for me no matter what happens. i keep forgetting to call them. it really makes me hate myself. i miss them so much and think about them constantly, no lie. but it seems like every time i do im hanging out with someone else or am about to go somewhere or something. im just too busy. by the time i get a break to do something its midnight and too late. im going to write myself like 50320554 notes and put them everywhere for me to call them tomorrow. no matter what im doing, when it pops into my mind, im going to call right then. i promise. i just need to hear the voices of my best friends. they really have no idea how much i care.

well its late and i think i just heard holly get home. gotta skadaddle. i have no idea when ill be able to blog next but ill get on asap.

i love you, i really really do

ashleyy