Lets start out easy and see where my fingers take us, shall we?

welcome to blog de ashleyy. a whole new start to a whole new relationship with the blogging world. here goes nothin.

so i wish i could easily amuse the world with antics of life, happiness, sadness, politics, and the deep depths of the mind. but i cant. no matter how hard i try, im not a very deep person. its something i really want to change. all my friends have such insight to the world. they look at it from an artistic point of view. they have exciting aspirations and feelings. they know where theyre going in life. me? i honestly have no idea. so hopefully through the workings of this blog, ill become a little more like an artistic intellect. lets keep our fingers crossed.

today i am kind of in an optimistic mood. but also im in kind of a lonely depressed mood. i want to change myself. i know that. i want to become something. to stand for something. i want people to look at me and think "she knows what she wants and how shes going to get it". i want people to look at me and want to get to know me. not because of looks or anything. of course not. i just want to try and achieve an air of confidence that rubs off on people. i dont have much of that right now. im an extremely shy person and it really sucks. i have friends trying to push me through. they dont understand why im shy because they say im an amazing person (not being cocky or anything i swear). they ask me why i cant come out of my hard shell for anyone but them. and i really dont know how to answer that. i dont know the reason behind my lack of confidence. i guess i think too much of what people will think of me. im a major people pleaser. if im afraid that someone wont like me, i wont make an effort to get to know them just in case. i think of it as a cliff. i need to get over it and itll just take one leap. its not too far from here to the other side. but one slipup and ill be tumbling down into my doom. so instead of taking that risk, i turn around and look for an alternative route. i know stupid right? and i keep telling myself that. but it just wont sink in. i need to take risks and become more outgoing. im sure i can achieve it if i just keep trying. its the freeze up while i talk to new people that gets me. those are the moments i dread.

so if anyone has any advice at all for this type of delimma, feel free to let me know aaight?

buut anyways in a different direction from that rant. i want this blog to be a way to express myself. im not very good at deep conversations and i like like keeping my problems to myself. im more of a listener not a sharer (if anyone has a problem, hit me up). so lets just see if this helps me open up my mind a bit. im probably starting this in the wrong direction. i didnt really say much about myself or anything. but hey, thats what the about me section is for. am i right?

todays song that makes me swing:
smelyalata- nevershoutnever

lets hope its better next time
love ashleyy