the question of friendship

well i have a lot of excellent friends. i know that i can always go to them in times of trouble or when i need a good laugh or just wanna hang out. i have about four especially good friends who i am the closest with. without them my world would crash. just thinking about how they would help me or what they would say gets me through a bad situation. i know that they are who i can count on. but im starting to doubt one of them.

i know its a terrible thing to think but its true. this one friend (i wont say any names of course but those other three probably know who im talking about), lets call her...nancy, always talks about how good of friends we are and how she doesnt know what she would do without me. but she never really shows that shes that good of friends with me. what makes a good friend for me is when a person not only is there for me in words but in actions. they have to show that they care and will be there for a long time. and nancy never does. and lately even her words have been especially harsh and unfriendly. constantly talking down to me and acting like im not worth her time just doesnt say friend to me. but she is the one of my friends who needs the most help and guidance in her life. im worried about what might happen to her.

you see nancy has had a lot of trials in her life. shes gone through so much crap most people wouldnt even begin to imagine could happen to one person. and these things have made her vulnerable to other dangers and things that people throw at her. but shes given in because she sees that other people do it so it must be ok because theyre still doing fine. but since weve become friends she hasnt done as much of that stuff. and she thanks me for it sometimes and it makes me feel good that i made a difference to someone. so im afraid that if i stop being friends with her, then she would do something drastic. and i really dont want to stop being friends with her anyway. i care too much. and noone likes to lose a friend. and she has lost a lot too.

but i just dont know how much longer i can take all of this verbal abuse and that short fuse. i dont want to bring it up to her either. shes one tough kid who can ruin a persons life instantly and bring it crashing down. i just dont know what to do. oooh nancy. what shall i do with you?

any advice? please comment and gimme a little support.

i love you all. maybe too much.
ashleyy