those damn believers in a better tomorrow

so when i recieved my latest issue of AP magazine along with the bill my mom decided that before she was going to pay one cent she had to read my magazine to see if its "acceptable for little girls to read". hah. joy. so today i reminded her that she still hasnt read it and paid the bill so i run and fetch it for her without thinking there would be a problem. so i come back a while later to find her and my dad looking at it weirdly and discussing in sharp tones about society going down the toilet. oh dear god.

i really dont understand what their deal is. yeah there are a few scetchy things and hardcore scary stuff that could make parents a little worried but its no big deal because thats not the stuff i like. i like to find new favorite bands to add to my long list and figure out the next chance i can get to see them live. but my parents seem to see it as corruption.

while music does have a large influence on a person it doesnt exactly change who they are. if i listen to thrash metal i wont turn into some emo kid. if i listen to rap i wont turn african american. if i listen to country i wont turn into a cowgirl. you catch my drift. it might change how creative i am or how deep i look into things. but those are good things. when i listen to some of my music i feel inspired and ready to change the world. i dont understand how that is a bad thing.

how do they have any room to talk? what about all the music that they listened to as teenagers? its not exactly clean cut. some of my dads stuff is just plain scary. i dont even know about my mom. when she opened my magazine she just said "these dont look very christian." just let me ask you. WHO CARES? just because i listen to non christian bands doesnt mean im going to convert to some satanic religion. when i pointed this out my dad just went into a rant (he likes those and does it frequently) about how i "shouldnt be listening to all this alternative shit and getting these bad ideas in my head from it". REDICULOUS TO SAY THE LEAST.

yeah when my sister started listening to rap they didnt blink an eye. she got into the hardcore screamo stuff. brushed it off. a heavier more degrading rap? eh its just a phase. but when i listen to stuff that talks about how we should work to change the world and find love and not give in to society they flip out. why is this? oh i know.

theyve never really liked me.

do other people have parents as thickheaded as mine? i doubt it. share stories? do tell. do tell.

will you like me even though they dont?

i hope so.

i love you

ashleyy

well make this short and sweet

its late

i havnt posted in a while. sorry.

i really havnt been able to think of anything to say lately. i dunno why.

my minds kinda fully jumbled.

hey! fits my blog title!

i think its because i might be maybe possibly...

falling for someone really hard?

ugh here we go

do you love me?

i love you

ashleyy

ahh the life of a woman

we are expected to be perfect. we are ambitious. we have the strength of ten men. we manage to keep ourselves in one piece. we have hectic lives. we have broken hearts. we are heart breakers. we have damaged friendships. we have the highest standards. we have drama. we stay stylish. we work two jobs. we have kids. we fall in love. we are desperate housewives. we have school all day. we learn to balance it all. we are artists. we are dancers. we are thinkers. we are masterminds. we fight for our voice. we stand up for ourselves. we are feminists. we get our hands dirty. we still manage to keep perfect manicures. we are fashion designers. we stress. we get gray hairs. we go through that terrible week once a month. we are role models. we are actresses. we are scientists. we help the homeless. we wipe runny noses. we cure the pain. we solve problems. we do all this. and we still manage to look drop dead gorgeous.

how do we do it? well noone really knows. maybe we dont do it all. we arent all confident and unbreakable. we may be breaking to pieces inside. but we arent going to show the world. we have to stay perfect. we cant let those boys see how weak we really are now can we? so keep that ambition. keep those standards high. dont let yourself fall. do something for yourself. take a bath. go to a spa. read a book. whatever. just keep yourself together. do it for the female standard.

geesh. this is that monthly week.

i start thinking weirdly.

i dont think im even making sense. not sure.

blahh.

will you still love me when im getting annoyed at you for something stupid?

i hope so.

i love you deep down.

at least after this week

ashleyy

a twisted little red

so i was looking for a poem for a homework assignment and i just thought this was funny.

its called Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf by Roald Dahl.

As soon as Wolf began to feelThat he would like a decent meal,He went and knocked on Grandma's door.When Grandma opened it, she sawThe sharp white teeth, the horrid grin,And Wolfie said, ``May I come in?''Poor Grandmamma was terrified,``He's going to eat me up!'' she cried.
And she was absolutely right.He ate her up in one big bite.But Grandmamma was small and tough,And Wolfie wailed, ``That's not enough!I haven't yet begun to feelThat I have had a decent meal!''He ran around the kitchen yelping,``I've got to have a second helping!''Then added with a frightful leer,``I'm therefore going to wait right hereTill Little Miss Red Riding HoodComes home from walking in the wood.''He quickly put on Grandma's clothes,(Of course he hadn't eaten those).He dressed himself in coat and hat.He put on shoes, and after thatHe even brushed and curled his hair,Then sat himself in Grandma's chair.In came the little girl in red.She stopped. She stared. And then she said,
``What great big ears you have, Grandma.''``All the better to hear you with,'' the Wolf replied.``What great big eyes you have, Grandma.''said Little Red Riding Hood.``All the better to see you with,'' the Wolf replied.
He sat there watching her and smiled.He thought, I'm going to eat this child.Compared with her old GrandmammaShe's going to taste like caviar.
Then Little Red Riding Hood said, ``But Grandma,what a lovely great big furry coat you have on.''
``That's wrong!'' cried Wolf. ``Have you forgotTo tell me what BIG TEETH I've got?Ah well, no matter what you say,I'm going to eat you anyway.''The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.She whips a pistol from her knickers.She aims it at the creature's headAnd bang bang bang, she shoots him dead.A few weeks later, in the wood,I came across Miss Riding Hood.But what a change! No cloak of red,No silly hood upon her head.She said, ``Hello, and do please noteMy lovely furry wolfskin coat.''

yeah even though its bad that she has a wolfskin coat and all that jazz i just happen to find it funny. it makes you think that itll be just the same as the old childhood story and then BAM! or should i say BANG BANG BANG?

ill eat you up

ashleyy

my parents are hilarious, really

so i went through the day today not feeling too well. when i got home i was more than ready for a nice long nap to recharge before i did my homework. i went to sleep around 6 and was planning on taking an hour nap.

as you know, these days it gets harder and harder to tell days from night. well my parents thought it would be funny to walk around the house and change all the clocks to say 8 am instead of 8 pm. so i woke up and started freaking out because i was late for school and i hadnt done any of my homework or anything. and i wandered around the house because noone was home. and then i left a few colorful messages on both of my parents answering machines because noone picks up of course.

it took about 30 minutes for me to realize that it was actually still monday. im still a little confused even though i straightened everything out. i dont really know what to do with myself and i cant think sraight. oh parents can be a laugh. let me tell you.

quick! yo late for school!

haha try living it

i love you!

ashleyy

evidently ive been tagged =]

wishes

1. to fall in love

2. to go to tennessee whenever i want

3. for my best friends to not move

4. to be someone great

destinations

1. tennessee

2. thames street with janna

3. paris

4. rome

careers (i honestly have no idea buut these have crossed my mind.)

1. photographer

2. writer

3. fashion designer

4. physcologist

at the gates of heaven i wanna hear

1. ive been waiting for you

2. have a nice life?

3. come on in

4. come see the people you love, theyre all here

victims

1. kelseymcgingercrotch

2. alehandra

3. annick

4. skippy

go play some tag!

i love you!

ashleyy

green giants and a colorful tomorrow

every child sees the world in colorful brilliance. theres almost no end to the possiblities of the awaiting future. nothing to them is quite limited yet. theres no telling who theyll end up being. though after growing up a bit. you start to notice limits. things seem harder to achieve. the world dulls as more things become out of reach. dreams are crushed and the future gets harder and harder to imagine with an end of success. worries are introduced and panic rushes in. the world is suddenly in black and white.

will you do something to change this? will you be what you dreamed of being as a little toddler? live up to what youve always wanted. dont let those invisible lines of limitation stop you. they arent really there, after all, theyre invisible. that means you can easily cross through. try and see the world in color. dream like youve never dreamed before. think new things. be the envy of all. be the person you know everyone wants to be themselves. but dont conform to what other people want. keep yourself in mind first. its your future. do with it what you wish. dont just do whatever your parents do. do something new that YOU want to do.

go ahead. be that fashionista youve always wanted to be. be the photographer. or the subject of the photography. be a lawyer. be a scientist. find the cure for cancer. build a time machine. end global warming. open a bakery. build a house. help some orphans. get a hobo a box. whatever you do. just do it. no im not talkin nike. though yes it is very inspirational. im talking life. make a difference in this world. yeah you may be young now but not for long. life flies by so make something of it. and right now, just enjoy the way things are but work towards your goal and do something.

i want people to envy me.

i want people to envy you too.

admit it.

you want that too.

love me. hate me. whateva.

ashleyy

and the world is dark blue

So i feel really weird today for some reason. as in antsy or something. i think it might be excitemtent or something. im pretty sure the guy i like likes me back. for the first time is about 90% clear. which i definitly like. usually hes all vague and i have no idea what hes thinking. lately though, hes been looking at me differently. i really really hope something comes out of it. then this antsyness can turn into happiness. im really ready for some love in my life. there hasnt been any yet and im ready to hop on the train. i just hope its less stressful and confusing as many people say it is. hah. like i would ever be lucky enough for that to happen.

klamsldkmfal;skdmf =]]]]]]]]]]]] =//?

thats pretty much what my thoughts are right now. a whole big jumbled mess of emotions and hopes and dreams and who knows what the hell else.

will you love me if he doesnt?

i know ill love you

ashleyy

welp

i should have known

why did i have to get my fucking hopes up?

ugh im quite hormonal today

will you love me?

ashleyy

watch the clouds

youve all heard those cliche phrases "stop and smell the roses" and all that jazz right? well after seeing those inpirational posters and hearing those poems since first grade do you ever stop to think if theyre true? because well, they are.

there is no denying that life comes at you fast. theres hardly time for food and sleep let alone sitting down and just doing something you actually want to do. but while all those things you do may be very important, it might be more important to just take it slow. maybe just lay in the grass and stare at those clouds. we all did it when we were little, why not now? just because were older and have busy lives doesnt mean that those tiny moments of calm and solitude arent important anymore.

you arent going to live forever, so live out the moments you have well. take a hold of every moment and never let it go. take a chance and do something new. maybe let yourself love someone. you never know, they could love you too. ask. live every moment as if its your last. know that there are consequences but think of the good ones too. there are ups and downs to every moment so stop and think of which outweighs the other. find a lover and lay in the grass. take a look at the clouds.

tell me, what do you see?

lay in the grass with me?

we can stay there forever

ashleyy

creative like a five year old

we all have our own ways of letting our creativity shine. it could be writing, painting, drawing, singing, or even just editing your myspace page. no matter what way you do it, it always screams you. nobody can think up the same things you do. even if theres just a miniscule difference, it could mean the world.

over the past year ive discovered that i actually am very creative. i used to try and find out why everyone else was out there making a difference and i was just sitting there, not good at anything. and then i met some friends who helped to bring out the best in me. probably the ones who brought out the most are katie and jackie.

katie doesnt stop at anything. she tries anything new (for instance her fabulously drastic new haircut). im not gonna lie, ive always envied her for her talent and seemingly endless mind. i think its actually given me something to go for. not even kidding you, when im in art class and im trying to think up a new idea, in the back of my mind i kind of think ,"hmm what would katie do?". it sucks because we arent really that good of friends this year, but shes always been an inspiration. shes the one who actually got me started on this blog. so id just like to say thanks katie, because i dont think i ever have.

and jackie. oooh jackie. i will miss her so much. i havnt really seen anything shes actually done, but her ideas are amazing. she can think up anything. when i think of jackie i think of someone who could get anywhere she wanted to if she tried hard enough. i just hope that she puts all those ideas into action one day and then finds me in this corny hell hole and shows them to me.

i think that everyones creative side comes from some sort of inspiration. and one inspiration leads to another and one idea leads to many. your one idea could shape an entire future. you never know. its all a butterfly affect. so stay creative. let the child in you that thought up all those crazy but simple ideas come out.

life isnt about finding yourself, its about creating yourself

draw me a pitcha

ill love you forever

ashleyy

wild thang, you make my heart sang

so today i got my AP magazine

always a happy day.

and there on the front cover was Forever the Sickest Kids =]]

they also happen to grace my wall. i lovee them.

and then i opened it and flipped through and found some amazing new bands

i just love finding new things to add to my neverending itunes library. it gives me a thrill what can i say? I found TV/TV which reminds me of Cobra Starship and we all know how much i love THEM. They recorded their new EP with Zack Odom and Kenneth Mount from All Time Low and Cartel. i also found Action Item, Crosstown Rivalry, and plenty of other bands to look up and add to my ipod. pretty soon im gonna run out of room. never good. but im sure ill figure something out.

im in a really good mood today. i have nothing to do at all but be lazy and go with the flow. maybe ill do something with katie. we havnt hung out in a while. hmm.

well i might blog about something more interesting later tonight. i was just struck with a sudden blog mood. check out the new tunes loves. =]

i love youhh

do you love me too?

ashleyy

interview with a lemming

So as i was taking my english 10 formative assessment today i was stunned to actually read something i liked. one of my favorite poems was in there (i might put it in a later post) and a story about a scientist and a lemming. the lemming spoke to the scientist and told him what harm humans do. in the end the scientist asks the lemming a question and the lemming turns it around into something to think about. take a look. i loved it.

Interview with a Lemming
by James Thurber
The weary scientist, tramping through the mountains of northern Europe in the winter weather dropped his knapsack and prepared to sit on a rock.
"Careful, brother," said a voice.
"Sorry," murmured the scientist, noting with some surprise that a lemming which he had been about to sit on had addressed him. "It is a source of considerable astonishment to me," said the scientist, sitting down beside the lemming, "that you are capable of speech."
"You human beings are always astonished," said the lemming, "when any other animal can do anything you can. Yet there are many things animals can do that you cannot, such as stridulate, or chirr, to name just one. To stridulate, or chirr, one of the minor achievements of the cricket, your species is dependent on the intestines of sheep and the hair of the horse."
"We are a dependent animal," admitted the scientist.
"You are an amazing animal," said the lemming.
"We have always considered you rather amazing, too," said the scientist. "You are perhaps the most mysterious of creatures."
"If we are going to indulge in adjectives beginning with 'm,' said the lemming sharply, "let me apply a few to your species--murderous, maladjusted, maleficent and muffle-headed."
"You find our behavior as difficult to understand as we do yours?"
"You, as you would say, said it," said the lemming. "You kill, you mangle, you torture, you imprison, you starve each other. You cover the nurturing earth with cement, you cut down elm trees to put up institutions for people driven insane by the cutting down of elm trees, you--"
"You could go on all night like that," said the scientist, "listing our sins and shames."
"I could go on all night and up to four o'clock tomorrow afternoon," said the lemming. "It just happens that I have made a lifelong study of the self-styled higher animal. Except for one thing, I know all there is to know about you, and a singularly dreary, dolorous and distasteful store of information it is, too, to use only adjectives that begin with 'd.'"
"You say you have made a lifelong study of my species--" began the scientist.
"Indeed I have," broke in the lemming. "I know that you are cruel, cunning and carnivorous, sly, sensual and selfish, greedy, gullible and guileful--"
"Pray don't wear yourself out," said the scientist, quietly. "It may interest you to know that I have made a lifelong study of lemmings, just as you have made a lifelong study of people. Like you I have found but one thing about my subject which I don't understand."
"And what is that?" asked the lemming.
"I don't understand," said the scientist, "why you lemmings all rush down to the sea and drown yourselves."
"How curious," said the lemming. "The one thing I don't understand is why you human beings don't."

it makes you think doesnt it? we do all these terrible things in life. we really do. human beings are convinced that we are all powerful and can do anything to anyone and be fine with it. why do we cut down other animals homes just to make room for a nonnecessity? the earth is just as much their home as it is ours. i hate it how some people just cant seem to realize that we are taking down the earth. destroying it piece by piece. one of these days it wont be there anymore. and yes i am talking in part about global warming and all of that stuff. i dont understand why people seem to deny global warming so much. its there. its proven. it cant be stopped but it can be slowed. we can save the earth that God gave us. we really really can.

go drown yourself in the sea

but remember, i love you

ashleyy

would someone like to tell me

why parents enjoy ruining our lives so much?

i really really would like to know.

i have two of the most amazing best friends who just so happen to be army brats.

they've lived everywhere imaginable and move constantly.

during freshman year of highschool their father told them that they wouldnt have to move until after they graduated from highschool.

yay! finally a place to settle down a bit!

yeah. fucking. right.

why are we constantly forced to move? especially after promises to stay are made? we settle down and meet amazing friends and think we wont have to leave them like all of the others. we can finally get close to them and have someone to talk to. but then its all ripped away. promises are broken, friends are lost, arguements are fought, and families are torn apart. it really really isnt fair.

yeah i know that sometimes there isnt any choice. its our parents job and it has control over them. its leave and go on with life or stay and starve. yes its hard to find a new job and all that and its hard to quit and hard to turn down an excellent opportunity for a promotion. but have our parents ever thought of how hard it is on US? yeah sometimes new starts are welcome and good. but not one every two years. its important for us to settle down a bit and give us a chance to discover who we are. we need to slow down and not have to keep starting our lives over and over again.

its not only hard on the people moving, but its hard on all of their friends. i have finally found good friends. ive been skipping around a lot this year to different groups and this is the one i want to be in. this is the group of friends that im being 100% ME. that doesnt happen often at all. we go along with whatever is accepted. when im with my two best friends i dont hide anything. they bring out the best in who i am and help me shine through. not to mention i can have the most fun ever with them. thats how a friendship should be. completely honest.

i cant even begin to think of how life will be after theyre gone. i have a feeling ill be kind of a wanderer after they leave. i cant think of anyone who ive really connected with. all my friends from last year are pretty distant. i have some good ones of course but none that i can be myself with. i guess ill just have to wait and see. wow i really really feel bad for a certain boyfriend of one of the future movers. he was crushed.

i can only hope that the plans fall through. so far its a maybe. but its pretty much a yes since they already have a date and everything. i just really cant believe their dad is breaking his promise to them again. their family is hard enough to live with. i wonder how long itll take for them to live like this.

please oh please pray that they stay

ashleyy

nonononononoNO

not this
not now
not when everything is going just the way it should
i am NOT losing another best friend
let alone my two only ones living near me at the same time
NO my life is finally perfect
i dont want it to change
i swear im going to punch their father as hard as i can repeatedly in the throat
NO

ugh i hope you love me because i need it right now


ashleyy

yeah were both little people and we like it that way

im falling hard and fast

i have been for a long time now

could he finally be ready to catch me?

i can only hope

i love you, do you love me too?

ashleyy