disconnected

i feel strangely disconnected from the world today. ive tried texting people but i get no replies. i messaged and commented people on myspace. nothing. i tried calling and arranging a movie. nothing. whats the deal? is it avoid ashley day? it feels kind of eerie. i dunno. i never really really stopped to think how much i rely on my friends to keep me sane. when all the sudden theres noone there i just feel helpless. that gives me all the more motivation to keep the friends i have and try and make even more. expand my web of sanity givers. or maybe i should try and make myself more independent. find some other escape. that way if something really bad happens and noone else is there for me, i wont come crashing down. i think the key to it is a balance. have friends close and there for support but have yourself ready and strong if something falls through.

its been a lonely, lazy, day today. instead of doing my homework and cleaning my room like i was supposed to be doing, i watched that 70s show, read gossip girl, and took some time to think. i started to think about the guy ive been stuck on for quite a while. i really dont understand why i even like him. the bad kinda outweighs the good i think. and then theres the fact that he isnt showing any signs of anything at all. he used to like me i think. but then i made a mistake of telling one of my friends who told him and kinda freaked him out a bit. he stopped talking to me for a while after that. i just dont understand why every guy i like seems to try and run as fast as they can from me. im pretty subtle when i like someone. i dont want to scare them away. but maybe i should try changing that. stop fearing scaring them away and start concentrating on taking a chance. but thats just not me. im in no way confident enough for that. ill break down and do something stupid like i always do.

god it sucks lacking confidence.

any advice?

ashleyy